January 2009
77 posts
EYE BALLS
Isn’t is great how funny people look based on their eyes alone? Here are a few special text images of late. Eye hope you like.
Saying things wrong, on purpose.
Mary-What should I get for lunch?
Me-Umm, Subnay. Snubsnay. Wubway
Mary-SNUBS!
Me-with extra MOOSTARD
Mary-haha MOOSE. No only moostard.
Me-Yeah, lots of yeller moostard
Mary-YELLER. Sometimes I love BRUNE MOOSTARD tho, SPEECY BRUNE MOOSTARD
Me-Yeah that's good too. What about HONEAY MOOSTARD? Get a twerknay sandy.
Mary-Naaa I don't prefur the HONEAY. Haha I like twerky
Me-Twerknay with hamurican cheeze.
Mary-Hamurican. I love Hamurica. The Uneeted Stities fo Hamurica.
Me-Howme uv the friee. Gote blest the U Ese.
Mary-Bee Reete bak. Me stumache gittun lunsh.
Dear Jeff Bozz
Ok so LA is a pretty big place right? Right. It’s very weird to randomly run into somebody… but multiple times, even weirder. So I’ve seen the reality semi-celeb Jeff Bozz from Sunset tan a total of FIVE TIMES now! Five freaking times seeing this bozo around town. I’m all for seeing celebs, I get very excited when I do. Not anymore, Jeff. First time was fun because my...
Turn your lights on!
We’ve all seen that car…driving down the road at night with no lights on. Well how do you react to that? Sure sure, if your in your car you simply flash your lights at them. But what if you are on foot? Well I came across this situation the other night and this is how I dealt with it:
Car is coming towards me. Opposite side of the road.
Me-Running down the street towards the car...
Ginger Ale
Katye: Yum, ginger ale is so good.
Me: Yeah.
Katye: I used to think you could only get ginger ale on airplanes.
Me: (Blank stare)
Katye: What? I always got it on airplanes cause I thought that was the only place you could.
Me: (Still starring blankly, speechless, take large swig of ale to avoid having to actually respond to this comment.)
Katye: Well I thought, you know, airplanes...ginger ale.
Me: Katye... (shaking head)
CELL PHONE PIIIICCZZZ
Excel
Anyone remember being stuck in a dreadful business class learning Excel? It’s all easy at first, new column here, format the cells there… until you hit the big leagues. Then they hit you with it like a ton of bricks.
“Ok now we are going to do a drop-down menu, then use an IF statement to highlight the affirmative answers. Once we do that we will organize them by outputs,...
Obama!!
Z-Hey guys, what's up?
Me-Oh nothing, talking about how E got a new place.
Z-Oh yeah? Like you bought one?
E- No I wish, renting.
Z-Oh well didn't you hear? Ever since noon when Obama was officially president everyone gets free housing.
Me- God thats great news.
Z-Yeah, and they cured cancer too! It's a great time to be an American.
“Hey Jen, it’s Sarah Hyland.”
– Uhh boy yoy yoinggggg!!
Pump me up
I wanted to pump my veins full of caffeine today… is that bad? Ya ya I didn’t think so.
Brooksource Friends O' Mine
The following quotes are dedicated to my friends over at Brooksource. I hope you’re enjoying your headhunting day and finding lots of people jobs. These are quotes I heard throughout my day at work. What did you hear? Please, share!
ps. Does Whitney annoy you as much as she does me? I hope not for your sake, since you have to be with her Mon-Fri 9-5. YIKES! Am I right??
“I just got mistaken for a lady on the phone. Awesome.”
– Johnny.
“Jen, can you do me a favor and run me over with your car and put me out of my...”
– Johnny.
“”
“There is a pig in the office… is it cool if I bring in my pet dolphin...”
– Co-workers response to the accounting lady bringing her pet pig to work today… no lie.
“God im so funny…it just like…comes to me…and i cant stop being...”
– Mergy, being full of herself like always. But I must say, I agree with her. She makes me laugh on the daily.
“f yeah
and really im not saying anything but come on 13 dollars
fuck yoursled...”
– Tyson, (who again spilled water today) ranting about the cab driver taking him to court over a $13 cab ride.
Spillage Convo
A few things you should know before reading the following conversation.
1. The names have be changed to protect the identity of those involved, except me.
2. “Pitcher”=picture. We realize this isn’t the correct way of saying the word but we think it’s funny, so leave us alone about it ok?
3. “Tyson” works in more of a corporate setting if you will.
4....
Spillage at work is never good.
934 AM
Tyson: so lets say i knocked my fucking water over again. Should i just quit life altogether?? Cause I'm leaning towards that decision.
Me: hahh no way!!! Get a freakin lid!!
Tyson: like a 3 year old??
Me: yeah, like a sippy cup
Tyson: haha thats exactly what i pitchered, i do need one though
Me: haha god i laugh every time still...every time!
Tyson: and it bothers me every time and it really shouldn't. Basically the same giant stack of papers get soaked every time. After cleaning it up then i have to sit here and think about what I did for like 45 minutes, so essentially its like an hour long ordeeal. And ill put as many e's in that word as i please
Me: hahaha. You should just laminate all your papers, so when do you spill (cause you will) nothing will be ruined!
Tyson: yeah but then ill look like even more of a moron with my sippy cup and my markers, cause ill have to write with markers on my laminated papers. I might just get a high chair while im at it.
Me: haha im pitchering you going to a meeting with a stack of laminated papers and markers, carrying a blue sippy cup
Tyson: in a onesie dont forget. footies and all
Me: hahah, "Listen guys, its just more comfortable than my dress pants and button up ok? I work better like this."
Tyson: "Don't be distracted by the teenage mutant ninja turtles all over it and my webbed footsies lets focus here on the meeting"
Me: "we either gotta invest or get out..am I right Bob? " .... "Uhh Tyson, did you just pee yourself or did your sippy cup fall into your lap?"
Tyson: "actually to be honest a little bit of both, Donatello is soaked"
300 PM
Me: SHIT! I just spilled Activate on my calendar!!!
Tyson: Ahhhhhhhhh!
Me: damnit, and it's PURPLE!
Tyson: I would be sad for the calendar if not for the irony of it all.
Catholics and Presbyterians
They just can’t seem to agree on important theological questions. These two churches face each other across a busy street.
In my opinion, the Catholics win for funny this round.
Thanks to my sister Liz for sending me this!
